Thoughts on Hiring a Divorce Attorney, Part I

Talk to more than one attorney before selecting one. If you and your spouse are going to be arguing over temporary use of the house and money or access to the kids, this is crucial. If you anticipate an agreed uncontested divorce, this is less important. There are so many attorneys practicing family law, 300+ in Tarrant County alone. Select one that you feel that you can have rapport with. When I say rapport, I do not mean someone who tells you what you want to hear. You need the truth on the law and your situation. You don't want to be wooed into hiring an attorney because they convince you that you can get a settlement/court decision that is never going to materialize.

Each attorney has their own communication style. My style for example is very direct. Sugarcoating things is not in my nature. And I have practiced long enough that I don't have to try to be all things to all people. My earlier blog talks about living a life in accordance with your values. Directness is something that I value and it is the style in which I deliver legal services. That style is not for everyone. If you don't interview more than one attorney, you will not really know what you're getting without something to compare it to. And if your case is going to be litigated, (who knows that going in,) then you want to have a comfortable relationship with your attorney. I'm always surprised when I come across people who were afraid of their attorney, or who would do what ever the attorney said without questioning and understanding the reason for the advice.

I strive to give the same level of legal service to all clients. That being said, there is a certain "pleasure" to teaming up with the client that resonates with my style. How can the feeling not be reciprocal? Talk to more than one attorney before choosing one.

The best attorney for your divorce is not necessarily the same one that your friend or relative or coworker used.Selecting an equally skilled attorney over another based on communication style is just a part of selecting the best person to help you and your family to redefine yourself from married to single.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
304 Harwood Road
Bedford, Texas
817-285-2855
texasfamilylaw.info

Troubled Relationship? Divorce or Counseling?

I told you last year that I would tell you more about my dishwasher fixing story which relates to assessing the decision to stay together or get a divorce.

We bought a dishwasher eight years ago and it was fabulous. It would clean well and you could put the dishes in without washing them.

Recently it stopped cleaning. My husband, Carl, was ready to buy a new one.  I was convinced it was a fixable problem. Not willing to wait for my husband to look at it, I went to my "fix it" resource, YouTube.com, and researched the matter. I persevered and ultimately I diagnosed a blocked chopper and I cleaned it. Good as new.

It worked for about three months and then the same for a problem arose. I started looking at new dishwashers. Features we had on ours were only available on very expensive dishwashers. I decided to fix it again. This time I replaced the chopper blade rather than just cleaning it . Success again.

The different approaches of my husband and myself remind me of the different approaches people take when faced with a troubled relationship, and they are thinking about divorce.

Some are willing to bolt of the first sign of trouble- (buy a new one); some just hang in there without attempting to change any of the dynamics- (resolving to hand wash dishes), and some put time and effort into fixing what they have the power to fix hoping that will be enough to turn things around.  

Which kind of person are you? Awareness of your own approach to marital difficulties as well as observing your partner’s approach to trouble in the marriage can be a starting point in shifting your perspective or resolving to investigate solutions. This becomes part of your decision-making process. Unfortunately, the kind of person that you are doesn't change whether or not the relationship is fixable if it is broken beyond repair.  You can work at it for years and never get anywhere.  

A few takeaways.

1.  Moderation in all things.

2.  If everyone says there is a problem including your divorce attorney there probably is.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
304 Harwood Road
Bedford, Texas
817-285-2855
texasfamilylaw.info

New Video- Is Texas a 50-50 Divorce State?

http://youtu.be/c9xsZyfmOoo
This is the first video in a series on Myths that people have about Texas Divorce Laws

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
304 Harwood Road
Bedford, Texas
817-285-2855
texasfamilylaw.info

New Year

Here's a double double wish for a Happy New Year.  Not only is it after 1-1-12, but the Chinese New Year  is today.  This is the Year of the Dragon.  The symbol Dragon in the East is not a threatening evil as is in the West.  The Dragon to the Chinese is a symbol of among other things, power. Now, not all of us have been born in the year of the Dragon.  But, I think it would be empowering to think about the qualities of the Dragon and take that feeling of power and infuse it into your thinking about divorce.

How to do that, to have "power" in your divorce?  One way is to choose to divorce using Collaborative Law. Collaborative Law is a process that I have been doing for 10 years.  It is interdisciplinary.  That means that in addition to having an attorney and your spouse having an attorney, there is also at least a neutral communications facilitator and maybe a financial specialist and/or child specialist.  The professional team guides your case along in a way that will maximize results for you and your children.  There is a lot more to say about this fantastic process and I would love to tell you about it if you come see me.

What does Collaborative Law have to do with power? In Collaborative Law you and your spouse contract to do your divorce outside of the court system.  That means that you and your spouse are able to design your divorce on your own timetable, in private, not at the courthouse and you utilize neutral specialists as needed.  It is the most powerful and empowering way to divorce bar none.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
817-285-2855

Does Your Life Reflect Your Values?

I was flying back from vacation, flipping through the audio tracks and came across a talk show where the lady was saying "you can't be living a rich life and living someone else's values". Oh how true.

Many times when people see me about a divorce they are far from taking that final step to start the divorce process.  They are still trying to understand what divorce will mean to  their lifestyle.  Sometimes I see people fixating on appearances, status and material things and not focusing on their own happiness and mental well-being.

If you can have a peaceful evening with the children that is carefree and "fun" it goes a long way to making up for living in a smaller place or having to be more careful about money. Your children really just want mom and dad. They adjust to physical surroundings far quicker than we give them credit for.

Are you living a life in accordance with your values? Do you even know what your values are?  How is your life going to change if you get a divorce? If you're contemplating divorce I would recommend searching your deepest thoughts and feelings about this issue.

A rich inner life beats a rich external life any day.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
Board Certified Family Law Attorney

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Divorce and Loss - Divorce and Gain

Divorce is really a challenge to go through.  I like to pass on writings that I find elsewhere that I think are pertinent to someone finding themselves facing divorce.  These will not always be related to the law.  Here is the first.

A Zen master said, “Now that my house has burned down, I have a much better view of the sky.” 

Sometimes when something we thought we needed is taken away, the space reveals riches we were missing because we were distracted by our assumed source of security. . . . We can choose fear or love, with no real options in between. You can go into panic and insecurity, or . . you can relax into security of a higher order than the one we have been trained to depend on. Shakeup can lead to breakup or it can lead to wakeup. Let’s use the experience as a call to remember how we were born to live. Devastation, personally or geographically, is never an end. It is always a means to a greater end. For everything taken away, something greater comes to replace it.  Alan Cohen  http://www.alancohen.com/articles/betterviewofthesky.htm  

By clinging to security we can miss things that we cannot conceive of from where we stand now.   Be open to change because you can't always do anything about it. 

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger (Divorcing people since 1983)

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Paternity Statute Changes in Texas

There has been a major change in the ability of a father to deny paternity in Texas. Previously if a man did not deny paternity and request genetic testing at the time of a lawsuit concerning paternity of the child, the ability to deny paternity would be lost.

The legislature has now said that a father can deny paternity at any point in time if there has never been genetic testing. Folks, this is a really big.  I have heard of statistics that say that 25% of children born in a marriage are not the biological child of the husband. I don't know if that's a true statistic, but this statute now allows a man to deny paternity after a divorce is final. If the results of the genetic testing show that he is not the father he can file suit for that determination and terminate child-support.


For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger (Divorcing people since 1983)

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Alimony in Texas Increased

Wow, just returned from the 37th Annual Advanced Family Law Conference in San Antonio where 1000+ family lawyers converged to stay up-to-date with the law and best practices. Because this was a legislative year, there were a number of changes in the law that dramatically affect family law. Two significant ones were in the area of alimony and paternity.


In the area of alimony there is a huge increase in and the benefits available to spouses under the rewritten alimony statute. The maximum amount of alimony allowed has increased to $5000 up from $2500 or 20% whichever is less. The potential duration of alimony has also increased to 10 years from 3 years based on the length of marriage. The lawyers who worked with the lobbyists in getting the statute changed told us that the purpose behind the statute was rehabilitative in nature. What that means is that the purpose behind the granting of alimony is to provide an opportunity for a former spouse to acquire skills and education immediately after the divorce so as to better be able to support themselves in the future.

There are also new factors that the court can consider in the granting or denying of alimony. One of these that appears quite frequently in my divorce cases is the issue of infidelity. The infidelity factor applies to both the potential payor and payee. There are a number of confusing things about the statute, so it will be interesting to see how the law will actually turn out to work in the courts of Tarrant County.

When you select an attorney, play close attention to their experience in your county with the family law judges. That kind of attention to selecting an attorney contributes to a Smart Divorce in Texas.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger (Divorcing people since 1983)

texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Overwhelmed during divorce? Take little steps.

When I was in Alaska I took a shuttle up to climb Flattop Mountain which overlooks Anchorage. Why am I telling you this? Well, I used to be in superb shape, both in strength and cardio. The last 3 to 4 years have been an adjustment downwards in ability.  Anyway, this hike was an extraordinarily difficult for me, at least based upon the expectations I had for myself. I was constantly wanting to quit. But I didn't. I adjusted by just making my goal little steps-make it up that flight of railroad ties, go just to that rock. That put the task into discrete little parts that seem doable. They all added up to summiting.

Divorce can be like that. Overwhelming, where you just want to quit. Quitting is not an option in the same way that climbing a mountain is. Still, taking one step at a time and then resting is more doable than thinking about the entire task ahead of you.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by your divorce, talk to your attorney or counselor about how to break down the steps into discrete understandable steps. You do have a counselor don't you? That's a conversation for another day -why you need a counselor when going through divorce.

Well, I made it it up and down the mountain eventually-and then I had a 13 mile bike ride back to town. Did I tell you that I was exhausted when I returned?

Oh, did I mention that the weather was in the 60s to 70s? Heaven.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Alaska is a Cool place to Update Legal Skills for Divorce

I just got back from Alaska going to continuing educational training on collaborative law. For those that don't know, that is a way of doing a divorce or other dispute, outside of the court system. It is always inspiring to me to see how different people handle the skills necessary to do my job well. Collaborative law  more than a traditional practice of law emphasizes the importance of effective communication.

My 28 years of practice shows me that lack of communication skills is a huge contributing factor to marriage breakups. A significant advantage to collaborative law over traditional divorce litigation is that it is interdisciplinary.  That means we use for example, mental health practitioners as "family relationship specialists" or "communication facilitators" and financial specialists.  This allows many needs divorcing people have to be met in a way that would never be addressed during a more standard divorce process.

I'm really impressed that the collaborative law movement is aware of the cutting edge of science and its relevance to our practice. In October of this year, the International Association of Collaborative Professionals is having the annual forum which I hope to attend. It features as the keynote speaker a Dan Ariely, abehavioral economist. He studies the brain and how it works vis-à-vis decision-making. This is an understanding hugely important in my being able to better serve my clients.

Oh, did I mention that the weather was in the 60s to 70s? Heaven.

For Smart Divorce in Texas


Diane M. Wanger
www.texasfamilylaw.info
817-285-2855

Is alimony in Texas tax deductible?

The Internal Revenue Code provides that post divorce alimony payments are tax deductible by the paying spouse and taxable to the recipient spouse as "ordinary income." For this reason, it is not uncommon for a negotiated settlement to include the payment of a high amount of spousal support, because such a payment results in tax benefit to the payor.  There are some limits to the application, so be sure to check with your tax professional.
For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane
texasfamilylaw.info

Medical Insurance through spouse's employer after divorce. (Cobra)

You might be entitled to keep your medical insurance benefits under your former spouse's group plan. The Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act of 1985 created what are commonly known as "C.O.B.R.A." benefits, which are available to the former spouses of people who work for employers who have 20 or more employees.

In general this law provides that employers must offer "continuation coverage" for the first three years after the termination of the marriage. The law further provides that the employer can charge the former spouse for this coverage, but the charge cannot be more than 2% greater than what is charged to employees.

After the three years have ended, the law states that the employer must offer a former spouse the right to purchase "conversion coverage", but there are no limits on how much the employer can charge for this coverage.

The C.O.B.R.A law further provides that the former spouse does not have to pass a physical examination in order to obtain the continuation or conversion benefits. This is significant if you have any pre-existing conditions that might not be covered by another medical insurance carrier.

In order to obtain your C.O.B.R.A. benefits you have to file your application with your spouse's employer by no later than sixty (60) days after the termination of your marriage. If you do not file your application by that date you will not be able to ge t these important benefits.

If you wish to have your C.O.B.R.A. benefits you must contact your former spouse's employer directly and request the appropriate forms. This is not a service that is customarily performed by our office. You must contact your former spouse's employer directly if you want to obtain these benefits.

At the current time, the federal government is subsidizing much of the cost of this continuation coverage.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane

Texas Long Term Alimony/Support

THIS POST IS NO LONGER REFLECTS THE LAW AS OF SEPT 2011  SEE POSTS AFTER JULY 2011
Where the marriage has lasted more than 10 years, or under some family violence situations and support is needed to meet the "minimum reasonable needs" of the spouse, the court may order alimony/support for up to three years.  If a spouse is disabled or responsible for a adult disabled child, the support may continue beyond 3 years. Usually what you will see is a three year order with a review at the end.


For Smart Divorce in Texas


Diane