Thoughts on Hiring a Divorce Attorney, Part I

Talk to more than one attorney before selecting one. If you and your spouse are going to be arguing over temporary use of the house and money or access to the kids, this is crucial. If you anticipate an agreed uncontested divorce, this is less important. There are so many attorneys practicing family law, 300+ in Tarrant County alone. Select one that you feel that you can have rapport with. When I say rapport, I do not mean someone who tells you what you want to hear. You need the truth on the law and your situation. You don't want to be wooed into hiring an attorney because they convince you that you can get a settlement/court decision that is never going to materialize.

Each attorney has their own communication style. My style for example is very direct. Sugarcoating things is not in my nature. And I have practiced long enough that I don't have to try to be all things to all people. My earlier blog talks about living a life in accordance with your values. Directness is something that I value and it is the style in which I deliver legal services. That style is not for everyone. If you don't interview more than one attorney, you will not really know what you're getting without something to compare it to. And if your case is going to be litigated, (who knows that going in,) then you want to have a comfortable relationship with your attorney. I'm always surprised when I come across people who were afraid of their attorney, or who would do what ever the attorney said without questioning and understanding the reason for the advice.

I strive to give the same level of legal service to all clients. That being said, there is a certain "pleasure" to teaming up with the client that resonates with my style. How can the feeling not be reciprocal? Talk to more than one attorney before choosing one.

The best attorney for your divorce is not necessarily the same one that your friend or relative or coworker used.Selecting an equally skilled attorney over another based on communication style is just a part of selecting the best person to help you and your family to redefine yourself from married to single.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
304 Harwood Road
Bedford, Texas
817-285-2855
texasfamilylaw.info

Troubled Relationship? Divorce or Counseling?

I told you last year that I would tell you more about my dishwasher fixing story which relates to assessing the decision to stay together or get a divorce.

We bought a dishwasher eight years ago and it was fabulous. It would clean well and you could put the dishes in without washing them.

Recently it stopped cleaning. My husband, Carl, was ready to buy a new one.  I was convinced it was a fixable problem. Not willing to wait for my husband to look at it, I went to my "fix it" resource, YouTube.com, and researched the matter. I persevered and ultimately I diagnosed a blocked chopper and I cleaned it. Good as new.

It worked for about three months and then the same for a problem arose. I started looking at new dishwashers. Features we had on ours were only available on very expensive dishwashers. I decided to fix it again. This time I replaced the chopper blade rather than just cleaning it . Success again.

The different approaches of my husband and myself remind me of the different approaches people take when faced with a troubled relationship, and they are thinking about divorce.

Some are willing to bolt of the first sign of trouble- (buy a new one); some just hang in there without attempting to change any of the dynamics- (resolving to hand wash dishes), and some put time and effort into fixing what they have the power to fix hoping that will be enough to turn things around.  

Which kind of person are you? Awareness of your own approach to marital difficulties as well as observing your partner’s approach to trouble in the marriage can be a starting point in shifting your perspective or resolving to investigate solutions. This becomes part of your decision-making process. Unfortunately, the kind of person that you are doesn't change whether or not the relationship is fixable if it is broken beyond repair.  You can work at it for years and never get anywhere.  

A few takeaways.

1.  Moderation in all things.

2.  If everyone says there is a problem including your divorce attorney there probably is.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
304 Harwood Road
Bedford, Texas
817-285-2855
texasfamilylaw.info

New Video- Is Texas a 50-50 Divorce State?

http://youtu.be/c9xsZyfmOoo
This is the first video in a series on Myths that people have about Texas Divorce Laws

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
304 Harwood Road
Bedford, Texas
817-285-2855
texasfamilylaw.info

Always Learning more about Divorce

I was in Austin earlier this year at a continuing legal education seminar on Collaborative Law. We had a speaker who explained that brain research shows how humans under stress will grab at the first solution that they see as solving the "issue". That is true even if they have been trained to investigate and look for multiple options to be reviewed for the best result.

What does this have to do with divorce? One of the principal benefits to Collaborative Law as a divorce process is its emphasis on creative problem solving and interest based negotiations.

For the professionals in the field (for example, me) it is frustrating that clients are often so anxious to get to the settlement immediately that they don't want to fully develop settlement possibilities. Considering the amount of stress during divorce it is not surprising that clients latch on to the first option they perceive as "working".  The brain under stress does not innately have the capacity to "wait" for the creation of a more optimal solution.


Collaborative Law has the ability to lower the stress level of the process in a way that allows clients to be more open to a full inquiry of possibilities of settlement. 

Even if you are not in a Collaborative Divorce process it is worthwhile to remind yourself of the limits of the human brain under stress.  It is often difficult to  see what the "issues" are.  Even more difficult is to be calm when thinking about the options.  With hope, you have hired a divorce professional with expertise in trying open your mind to possibilities that you cannot conceive of as solutions.  If you have found such an individual, take advantage of that skill.  Not every attorney has it.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
Board Certified Family Law Attorney

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

New Year

Here's a double double wish for a Happy New Year.  Not only is it after 1-1-12, but the Chinese New Year  is today.  This is the Year of the Dragon.  The symbol Dragon in the East is not a threatening evil as is in the West.  The Dragon to the Chinese is a symbol of among other things, power. Now, not all of us have been born in the year of the Dragon.  But, I think it would be empowering to think about the qualities of the Dragon and take that feeling of power and infuse it into your thinking about divorce.

How to do that, to have "power" in your divorce?  One way is to choose to divorce using Collaborative Law. Collaborative Law is a process that I have been doing for 10 years.  It is interdisciplinary.  That means that in addition to having an attorney and your spouse having an attorney, there is also at least a neutral communications facilitator and maybe a financial specialist and/or child specialist.  The professional team guides your case along in a way that will maximize results for you and your children.  There is a lot more to say about this fantastic process and I would love to tell you about it if you come see me.

What does Collaborative Law have to do with power? In Collaborative Law you and your spouse contract to do your divorce outside of the court system.  That means that you and your spouse are able to design your divorce on your own timetable, in private, not at the courthouse and you utilize neutral specialists as needed.  It is the most powerful and empowering way to divorce bar none.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
817-285-2855

Does Your Life Reflect Your Values?

I was flying back from vacation, flipping through the audio tracks and came across a talk show where the lady was saying "you can't be living a rich life and living someone else's values". Oh how true.

Many times when people see me about a divorce they are far from taking that final step to start the divorce process.  They are still trying to understand what divorce will mean to  their lifestyle.  Sometimes I see people fixating on appearances, status and material things and not focusing on their own happiness and mental well-being.

If you can have a peaceful evening with the children that is carefree and "fun" it goes a long way to making up for living in a smaller place or having to be more careful about money. Your children really just want mom and dad. They adjust to physical surroundings far quicker than we give them credit for.

Are you living a life in accordance with your values? Do you even know what your values are?  How is your life going to change if you get a divorce? If you're contemplating divorce I would recommend searching your deepest thoughts and feelings about this issue.

A rich inner life beats a rich external life any day.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
Board Certified Family Law Attorney

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

What Is Collaborative Divorce, Collaborative Law?

Collaborative law is an interdisciplinary divorce process defined by statute in the State of Texas. It is for people who are unable to negotiate and agree to divorce terms on their own but who wish to settle the case outside of court. This process also allows each spouse to have their own legal advocate as well as neutral professionals that strives to guide the parties to  a legal, financial, emotional and fair result that protects their interest. The most definitive aspect of collaborative law is that the professionals that are involved in a collaborative law case do not participate in litigation. 


Collaborative law is an  approach to divorce whereby both parties commit to wanting to settle their case outside of the court process.  The case proceeds by a series of meetings in offices, not at the courthouse. In addition to each party having a collaboratively trained attorney, there is generally one mental health professional who is part of the team working in the role of a family communication specialist (not a therapist). Often there is also a financial specialist whose role is to make sure everyone understands the financial estate and economic repercussions of any settlement.

While the collaborative lawyers are advocating on behalf of their clients within the process, the specialist(s) role is a neutral one. It is exceptionally helpful for people to make decisions about their case when they feel that they are getting neutral information. While it may seem expensive to have so many professionals as part of the divorce process, there are many tasks that the professionals can do, that the attorneys then don't have to do. When that happens, you are paying one person at a lesser hourly rate to do a task that normally two attorneys would perform. That saves money. The cost of a collaborative law compares favorably with a moderately litigated case and allows the parties to maintain control. 


In collaborative law the process is very scripted and it is easy to know at any point in the process where you have been and where you are going. While not for everyone, collaborative law is a fantastic choice for people who want a truly custom divorce that is respectful and forward focused. Collaborative law is a niche product. There are attorneys who advertise the process, but they neither believe in it, nor are they skillful at it. 


If you're interested in more information about the Collaborative Law Process for your divorce and you live in the DFW,  Texas area call my office for an appointment (817-285-2855).  Also, Collaborativepractice.com and Collablawtexas.com are great websites that can explain more about the process.  I suggest reading through those sites before even seeing an attorney.


For Smart Divorce in Texas
Diane M. Wanger
304 Harwood Road
Bedford, Texas 76021www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Why You Need a Counselor during Divorce

Divorce-the act of disconnecting your identity from that of another person. 

It's is a pretty major move when we talk about changing our identity. It can be unsettling for the person who is affirmatively seeking divorce. For the person to whom divorce is the  farthest thing from their minds, it can be downright frightening and gut wrenching. Really, isn't it hard enough to figure out who "we are" beyond the roles that we play of spouse, parent, co-worker. How much harder then is it to try to figure out who we will be when the divorce is final. Our roles do change with divorce. How they will change is not so easily perceived when we're in the middle of the divorcing process. This uncertainty of identity/roles can lead to making decisions during the divorce that do not always serve our highest interest. How can we make an informed, well thought out decision when we see our old life slipping away under someone else's control?

One of the reasons I suggest counseling to my clients is that a good counselor is able to help put events in perspective, provide coping mechanisms, help you craft the identity that you want after divorce. Doesn't the idea of a knowledgeable professional or two being on your team to get you from point A to point B sound attractive? Not only do you not have to do it alone, you will likely do it with less heartache for you and your children with knowledgeable professionals helping you. Divorce in the best of circumstances is a difficult process to go through. 

Please see a counselor. Even before you even file. It is a great thing you can do for yourself and your family and it sets you up for a more successful divorce.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Divorce and Loss - Divorce and Gain

Divorce is really a challenge to go through.  I like to pass on writings that I find elsewhere that I think are pertinent to someone finding themselves facing divorce.  These will not always be related to the law.  Here is the first.

A Zen master said, “Now that my house has burned down, I have a much better view of the sky.” 

Sometimes when something we thought we needed is taken away, the space reveals riches we were missing because we were distracted by our assumed source of security. . . . We can choose fear or love, with no real options in between. You can go into panic and insecurity, or . . you can relax into security of a higher order than the one we have been trained to depend on. Shakeup can lead to breakup or it can lead to wakeup. Let’s use the experience as a call to remember how we were born to live. Devastation, personally or geographically, is never an end. It is always a means to a greater end. For everything taken away, something greater comes to replace it.  Alan Cohen  http://www.alancohen.com/articles/betterviewofthesky.htm  

By clinging to security we can miss things that we cannot conceive of from where we stand now.   Be open to change because you can't always do anything about it. 

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger (Divorcing people since 1983)

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Paternity Statute Changes in Texas

There has been a major change in the ability of a father to deny paternity in Texas. Previously if a man did not deny paternity and request genetic testing at the time of a lawsuit concerning paternity of the child, the ability to deny paternity would be lost.

The legislature has now said that a father can deny paternity at any point in time if there has never been genetic testing. Folks, this is a really big.  I have heard of statistics that say that 25% of children born in a marriage are not the biological child of the husband. I don't know if that's a true statistic, but this statute now allows a man to deny paternity after a divorce is final. If the results of the genetic testing show that he is not the father he can file suit for that determination and terminate child-support.


For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger (Divorcing people since 1983)

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

What is a Smart Divorce in Texas?

Why did I name my blog for divorce in Texas? Because I wanted to stress that there are choices to be made when going through divorce. We want them to be ones that benefit us over all, in a multitude of areas, financial, emotional, relational. It requires a lot of thought to put together a comprehensive plan of how to divorce that thinks this all through. That is a Smart Divorce.

The way I see my role as a divorce attorney is to lead my client from being married to being single in a way that allows for this inquiry, if that is what is wanted.  Come see me and I will show you how.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger

texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855