New Video- Is Texas a 50-50 Divorce State?

http://youtu.be/c9xsZyfmOoo
This is the first video in a series on Myths that people have about Texas Divorce Laws

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
304 Harwood Road
Bedford, Texas
817-285-2855
texasfamilylaw.info

Trying New Technology

Okay,  I am trying it.  This is my first foray into youtube videos.  This is not so informational, but future ones will be.  I am just excited that I figured out how to do this.  Did I tell you how I fixed my dishwasher last week.  I am actually more proud of that.  No man help.  I will tell you more later.
Diane Wanger from 2012 Advanced Family Law Conference in Houston

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
304 Harwood Road
Bedford, Texas
817-285-2855
texasfamilylaw.info

DIY Divorce Forms in Texas On Rise

There is a huge uproar in the legal community among professionals who practice family law.  It centers around the decision of the Supreme Court to offer DIY  forms for divorce matters. 

Family law has complexities that cannot be adequately represented with a fill-in-the-blank form.  If you are in a marriage and there are no children and no property, then the forms might be correctly used.  However, as a cautionary note, while people accurately know if they have children, they often do not accurately know if they have property as it relates to a divorce.

People have vehicles, boats, trailers, clothes, furniture, retirement accounts, stocks, mutual funds, real estate (house), mineral leases (gas lease), digital assets (internet accounts, website URLs) reproductive assets, and other things that they don't realize have an impact on how the decree should be drafted.

I have yet to review a form decree that was drafted correctly where children were concerned. Sometimes the forms have no or defective terms for child support and parenting provisions.  Imagine a case where child support is drafted in a manner that makes it unenforceable by contempt.

In Texas we have separate property and community property.  There are clear rules as to what is what and how that characterization can be changed.  It is very common for people I see in divorce consultations to have mistaken understandings of property law.  Because they received legal advice, it was not a problem, but I worry about how many people are out there that forge ahead with their incorrect ideas.

All this is to say that if you are going to try to do your divorce on your own with forms, I recommend that you have an attorney review your final paperwork.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger

Board Certified Family Law Attorney

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Always Learning more about Divorce

I was in Austin earlier this year at a continuing legal education seminar on Collaborative Law. We had a speaker who explained that brain research shows how humans under stress will grab at the first solution that they see as solving the "issue". That is true even if they have been trained to investigate and look for multiple options to be reviewed for the best result.

What does this have to do with divorce? One of the principal benefits to Collaborative Law as a divorce process is its emphasis on creative problem solving and interest based negotiations.

For the professionals in the field (for example, me) it is frustrating that clients are often so anxious to get to the settlement immediately that they don't want to fully develop settlement possibilities. Considering the amount of stress during divorce it is not surprising that clients latch on to the first option they perceive as "working".  The brain under stress does not innately have the capacity to "wait" for the creation of a more optimal solution.


Collaborative Law has the ability to lower the stress level of the process in a way that allows clients to be more open to a full inquiry of possibilities of settlement. 

Even if you are not in a Collaborative Divorce process it is worthwhile to remind yourself of the limits of the human brain under stress.  It is often difficult to  see what the "issues" are.  Even more difficult is to be calm when thinking about the options.  With hope, you have hired a divorce professional with expertise in trying open your mind to possibilities that you cannot conceive of as solutions.  If you have found such an individual, take advantage of that skill.  Not every attorney has it.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
Board Certified Family Law Attorney

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

New Year

Here's a double double wish for a Happy New Year.  Not only is it after 1-1-12, but the Chinese New Year  is today.  This is the Year of the Dragon.  The symbol Dragon in the East is not a threatening evil as is in the West.  The Dragon to the Chinese is a symbol of among other things, power. Now, not all of us have been born in the year of the Dragon.  But, I think it would be empowering to think about the qualities of the Dragon and take that feeling of power and infuse it into your thinking about divorce.

How to do that, to have "power" in your divorce?  One way is to choose to divorce using Collaborative Law. Collaborative Law is a process that I have been doing for 10 years.  It is interdisciplinary.  That means that in addition to having an attorney and your spouse having an attorney, there is also at least a neutral communications facilitator and maybe a financial specialist and/or child specialist.  The professional team guides your case along in a way that will maximize results for you and your children.  There is a lot more to say about this fantastic process and I would love to tell you about it if you come see me.

What does Collaborative Law have to do with power? In Collaborative Law you and your spouse contract to do your divorce outside of the court system.  That means that you and your spouse are able to design your divorce on your own timetable, in private, not at the courthouse and you utilize neutral specialists as needed.  It is the most powerful and empowering way to divorce bar none.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
817-285-2855

Does Your Life Reflect Your Values?

I was flying back from vacation, flipping through the audio tracks and came across a talk show where the lady was saying "you can't be living a rich life and living someone else's values". Oh how true.

Many times when people see me about a divorce they are far from taking that final step to start the divorce process.  They are still trying to understand what divorce will mean to  their lifestyle.  Sometimes I see people fixating on appearances, status and material things and not focusing on their own happiness and mental well-being.

If you can have a peaceful evening with the children that is carefree and "fun" it goes a long way to making up for living in a smaller place or having to be more careful about money. Your children really just want mom and dad. They adjust to physical surroundings far quicker than we give them credit for.

Are you living a life in accordance with your values? Do you even know what your values are?  How is your life going to change if you get a divorce? If you're contemplating divorce I would recommend searching your deepest thoughts and feelings about this issue.

A rich inner life beats a rich external life any day.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger
Board Certified Family Law Attorney

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

What Is Collaborative Divorce, Collaborative Law?

Collaborative law is an interdisciplinary divorce process defined by statute in the State of Texas. It is for people who are unable to negotiate and agree to divorce terms on their own but who wish to settle the case outside of court. This process also allows each spouse to have their own legal advocate as well as neutral professionals that strives to guide the parties to  a legal, financial, emotional and fair result that protects their interest. The most definitive aspect of collaborative law is that the professionals that are involved in a collaborative law case do not participate in litigation. 


Collaborative law is an  approach to divorce whereby both parties commit to wanting to settle their case outside of the court process.  The case proceeds by a series of meetings in offices, not at the courthouse. In addition to each party having a collaboratively trained attorney, there is generally one mental health professional who is part of the team working in the role of a family communication specialist (not a therapist). Often there is also a financial specialist whose role is to make sure everyone understands the financial estate and economic repercussions of any settlement.

While the collaborative lawyers are advocating on behalf of their clients within the process, the specialist(s) role is a neutral one. It is exceptionally helpful for people to make decisions about their case when they feel that they are getting neutral information. While it may seem expensive to have so many professionals as part of the divorce process, there are many tasks that the professionals can do, that the attorneys then don't have to do. When that happens, you are paying one person at a lesser hourly rate to do a task that normally two attorneys would perform. That saves money. The cost of a collaborative law compares favorably with a moderately litigated case and allows the parties to maintain control. 


In collaborative law the process is very scripted and it is easy to know at any point in the process where you have been and where you are going. While not for everyone, collaborative law is a fantastic choice for people who want a truly custom divorce that is respectful and forward focused. Collaborative law is a niche product. There are attorneys who advertise the process, but they neither believe in it, nor are they skillful at it. 


If you're interested in more information about the Collaborative Law Process for your divorce and you live in the DFW,  Texas area call my office for an appointment (817-285-2855).  Also, Collaborativepractice.com and Collablawtexas.com are great websites that can explain more about the process.  I suggest reading through those sites before even seeing an attorney.


For Smart Divorce in Texas
Diane M. Wanger
304 Harwood Road
Bedford, Texas 76021www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Why You Need a Counselor during Divorce

Divorce-the act of disconnecting your identity from that of another person. 

It's is a pretty major move when we talk about changing our identity. It can be unsettling for the person who is affirmatively seeking divorce. For the person to whom divorce is the  farthest thing from their minds, it can be downright frightening and gut wrenching. Really, isn't it hard enough to figure out who "we are" beyond the roles that we play of spouse, parent, co-worker. How much harder then is it to try to figure out who we will be when the divorce is final. Our roles do change with divorce. How they will change is not so easily perceived when we're in the middle of the divorcing process. This uncertainty of identity/roles can lead to making decisions during the divorce that do not always serve our highest interest. How can we make an informed, well thought out decision when we see our old life slipping away under someone else's control?

One of the reasons I suggest counseling to my clients is that a good counselor is able to help put events in perspective, provide coping mechanisms, help you craft the identity that you want after divorce. Doesn't the idea of a knowledgeable professional or two being on your team to get you from point A to point B sound attractive? Not only do you not have to do it alone, you will likely do it with less heartache for you and your children with knowledgeable professionals helping you. Divorce in the best of circumstances is a difficult process to go through. 

Please see a counselor. Even before you even file. It is a great thing you can do for yourself and your family and it sets you up for a more successful divorce.

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Divorce and Loss - Divorce and Gain

Divorce is really a challenge to go through.  I like to pass on writings that I find elsewhere that I think are pertinent to someone finding themselves facing divorce.  These will not always be related to the law.  Here is the first.

A Zen master said, “Now that my house has burned down, I have a much better view of the sky.” 

Sometimes when something we thought we needed is taken away, the space reveals riches we were missing because we were distracted by our assumed source of security. . . . We can choose fear or love, with no real options in between. You can go into panic and insecurity, or . . you can relax into security of a higher order than the one we have been trained to depend on. Shakeup can lead to breakup or it can lead to wakeup. Let’s use the experience as a call to remember how we were born to live. Devastation, personally or geographically, is never an end. It is always a means to a greater end. For everything taken away, something greater comes to replace it.  Alan Cohen  http://www.alancohen.com/articles/betterviewofthesky.htm  

By clinging to security we can miss things that we cannot conceive of from where we stand now.   Be open to change because you can't always do anything about it. 

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger (Divorcing people since 1983)

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855

Avoid zugzwang in Divorce

I ran across a new word the other day, zugzwang, that has an interesting application to divorce. The word means "a situation where a player is limited to moves which have a damaging effect". Hmmm. What does that have to do with divorce you might ask? My idea in teaching people how to have a Smart Divorce in Texas is so that they can avoid just that, zugzwang. Although I don't claim to have ever heard of the word until I ran into it the other day, I see the signs of the condition with more regularity than I would wish at the courthouse.

People don't understand that once they are moving toward divorce, whether it is filed or not, every action or inaction they take, every conversation they have with their future ex-spouse, their selection of professionals, all are part of the negotiation of their divorce. Moves should be strategic not haphazard or an emotional reaction "in the moment." You don't want to be two years into a divorce having spent your entire estate on attorneys fees and looking at a choice of possible resolutions of your case that are all your worst-case scenario.

In future posts I will talk more specifically on how to minimize the chance of finding yourself "zugzwanging".

For Smart Divorce in Texas

Diane M. Wanger (Divorcing people since 1983)

www.texasfamilylaw.info

817-285-2855